Can Verbal Agreements Hold Up in New York Family Law Cases?
Spoiler alert: Probably not, and here's why that matters.
Picture this: You and your spouse shake hands on a custody arrangement over coffee. It feels final, fair, and binding. Six months later, one of you changes your mind, and suddenly that handshake deal isn't worth the napkin it wasn't written on.
This scenario happens more often than you'd think in New York family law—and it rarely ends well for anyone involved.
The Legal Reality Check
New York's rule is simple: Family law agreements must be in writing to be enforceable. Period.
Your kitchen table negotiations, no matter how detailed or heartfelt, won't hold up when push comes to shove.
When Verbal Agreements Actually Matter (Spoiler: It's Limited)
Verbal agreements aren't completely worthless, but their usefulness is about as limited as a chocolate teapot:
Emergency situations: "Can you pick up the kids today?" (But only temporarily)
Evidence of intent: What you discussed might help interpret a written agreement later
Partial performance: If you've both been following the arrangement, courts might consider it—but won't enforce it
That's about it.
Three Real-World Disasters
The Vanishing Support Promise
Sarah's ex verbally promised $1,500 monthly support while she finished nursing school. He paid for six months, then lost his job and stopped. Without a written agreement, Sarah had zero legal recourse and had to take out student loans to survive.
The Custody Memory Game
Mike and Rachel "agreed" on custody terms, but when Mike wanted to relocate, they remembered completely different details. Their expensive court battle started from scratch because their verbal agreement was legally meaningless.
The Property Flip-Flop
Janet and Robert verbally split assets 50/50, but two years later when his business failed and her house appreciated, Robert claimed their agreement was "just a starting point." Back to square one—and expensive litigation.
Why Your Family Deserves Better Than a Handshake
The "He Said, She Said" Problem: Without documentation, you're both right and both wrong simultaneously—which helps exactly no one.
Life Changes: That fair agreement becomes unfair when circumstances shift, and verbal promises provide zero protection.
The Enforcement Gap: Even if you can prove what was agreed upon, there's no legal mechanism to enforce it.
Memory is Unreliable: What seems crystal clear during an emotional conversation becomes mysteriously fuzzy six months later.
The Smart Move: Get It in Writing
Document immediately: Even an email confirming "Here's what we discussed..." creates a record.
Work with professionals: Proper agreements include enforcement mechanisms, modification procedures, and contingency planning.
Include all the legal requirements: Full disclosure, proper acknowledgment, court approval where needed.
Plan for the future: Good agreements anticipate life changes and include procedures for handling them.
The Bottom Line
Verbal agreements in family law are like umbrellas made of tissue paper—they might make you feel protected, but they'll fall apart the moment you actually need them.
The cost of having agreements properly drafted is almost always less than the cost of litigating disputes over broken promises. More importantly, written agreements provide the peace of mind that handshake deals simply cannot deliver.
Your family's future is too important to leave to memory, good intentions, and crossed fingers.
If You're Currently Operating on a Verbal Agreement
Don't panic, but do act quickly. Document what you've been doing, then work with qualified counsel to formalize the arrangement properly. Your kitchen table conversation was a good start—now make it legally bulletproof.
Every family law situation is unique. If you have questions about formalizing agreements or need help turning handshake deals into legally enforceable documents, consult with qualified New York family law counsel.
Ready to protect your family's future with proper legal documentation? Let's talk.
Contact The Schreck Law Group today!